Which family doesn’t fight? Every family has its own squabbles and impassioned arguments and this is perfectly normal. However, it is also important to make up after fights. Don’t let your arguments go unresolved or without reaching a satisfactory (on both sides!) conclusion. So how can you do this? How do you go from screaming at the top of your lungs at each other to calm, reasoned discussion? Obviously, this is not easy. Children and adults deal with different stress factors and often find it difficult to find middle ground when it comes to issues of independence, stress alleviation, responsibilities etc. Here are some tips and advice on how to reach that hallowed ground.
Do not get physical
The above cannot be restated enough. Children may respond in the short-term to physical violence and aggressive behavior, but fear is not conductive to any healthy, functional relationship. You may feel that because your own parents used such behavior to obtain compliance that it is justified for you to use the same methods on your children However, it is not. While obedience is all well and good, independent thinking, trust and respect are more important. And none of those characteristics can be instilled in a child with the use of force or aggression. Indeed, you may just achieve the opposite: your child may act out even more.
You know better- but you don’t have to say that to your child. It may seem frustrating to you to see that your child is making mistakes that could be easily avoided, or that you yourself made, but you will not get them to stop by patronizing them. Don’t invoke the adages that old age knows better or that the youth should listen to their elders. Don’t expect your children to respond well to any of those statements. Try explanations instead. And stress that it is your opinion, rather than a fact. When children put their backs up against a wall about something, you won’t get them to change their opinion by stating your own as inviolable.
Give your child space
While letting them know that you are available at all times if they want help/to talk. Maybe it isn’t so easy to walk away from a fight letting your child have the last word, but there is no winning in an argument with your child. And afterwards, let them think over it rather than constantly reminding them of it. And ultimately, let them make their mistakes. It’s the only way a lesson will stick with them. And they might just learn that their parent’s advice isn’t so bad after all!
Do not respond to emotional outbursts
While it is easy to respond to your child’s outbursts with some cutting remarks yourself, it’s important to remember that their emotional maturity has not developed yet. They may not entirely understand the impact their words have, but they will feel hurt if you respond in kind. So don’t give into the temptation-respond calmly.
Parenting on Demand can help with the aftermath of fights, and even help you stop fighting. Everyone needs help sometimes, and seeking help to cultivate a healthy relationship with your child does not mean that you’re failing as a parent. In fact, it means the opposite: that you know that you could do better and that you want too. Our experts at POD can do exactly that. Achieve the peace and tranquility you seek in your home by downloading the App and letting us help you out.